Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
