Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
