When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
