They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
