Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
