So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
