The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
