okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
