hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
