Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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