who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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