Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
