i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
