I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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