I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to calm my uterus...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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