why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
