it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
