I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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