marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
