The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
