id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
