As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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