spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
