i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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