...so i touched it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
