it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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