I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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