btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
