Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
