I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
