I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
