I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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