do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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