Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
