I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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