I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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