butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
