I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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