And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
