I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
