i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
