You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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