Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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