At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
