Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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