i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
