So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
