First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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