im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
