I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
